THE EXCERPT-ISH OF A BLACK BUFFALONIAN INTROVERT: Spot Coffee

I’m never more sure about how unecessary I am until I enter Spot Coffee. Quick glances and forceful smiles make me question just how arbitrary my presence is. Greeting a previously joyful server with now a neutral, yet pungent look of curiosity and concern. Being suggested a certain type of tea I’m extremely unfamiliar with, but accepting it so I don’t seem unaware of everything. And the constant heart drop when every seat is occupied and I have to sit in the most undesirable corner. Looking down at my plate, of what most likely is a sugary pastry and a strikingly sour tea- all due to the fact that I don’t eat this stuff normally, but its my own little motivation to feel inclusive. “Wow, I’ve come down to buying wildly overpriced foods to express myself” I’m secretly people watching, checking out the various factions of hipsters and imagining their music tastes. My heart tugs to start a conversation with what looks like a partially friendly college student across from me, but I’m a wimp. Wondering whether blasting “Panic! At the Disco” in my headphones will grant me some ‘relatable points’. Or maybe I should stick to Stevie Wonder because he’s mature, fun and I won’t seem so ‘out of bounds’.” Why do I try? Im doing too much right?” I guarantee I’ll spend up to an hour dedicated to my three-page English final and the other four ironically on hood vines- or maybe artist searching. And while I try to convert my mind to the inviting camaraderie of this little brew filled community, it seems impenetrable. “I’d be better off at Tim Hortons”, this thought fills my mind along with every insecurity possible. Another dose of hyper awareness leads me to their code-locked bathroom. Afraid to see myself in the mirror, I recenter my coke bottle glasses and eliminate any of the rogue crumbs on my face. Though full of white linoleum, theres a subtle effort of hipster exclusivity , but I can’t put my finger on it. Maybe it’s the way the toilet flushes, or the general cleanliness or maybe I’m just thinking too much. Knic-knacs full of what implicates crafty carpentry and artistic images are everywhere. Nothing is abandoned. Oh! I spotted one like me! But she’s older, seems well-adjusted and familiar with the employees. With slight envy I watch how she navigates. Oh, she’s meeting a ‘friend’, a great situation for someone like us. A great antidote to the anxiety-induced stress thats growing at full bloom right now. I guess it’s time to leave…

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s