Recent experiences in my life have caused me to realize the unfortunate placement I have in society. With that said, many of those experiences have caused me to question the troubles I constantly face…
I don’t have a criminal record. I work in retail and I’m attending college full time. I would consider myself a pretty normal American as a 21-year old. But I’m feeling the continuous pressure of being a young black woman.
Often I find myself questioning my actions and my body language because it could give a wrong signal when I enter a store. I hold my tongue when I see blatant injustice towards me to not fulfill the “Angry Black Woman” narrative. Casually disregarding offensive compliments like “Wow, you’re really smart” (as if they’re shocked I can speak properly). Arguing with my Dad about how I dress, because since I’m a black woman, I should dress more feminine to appeal to white people and sometimes even black men.
Needless to say, I have to battle the universal demons of humanity like self-esteem, questioning the future, love, death, family, time management. The worries I have for myself is overwhelming and yet I maintain some hope. If it wasn’t for my faith, I would question my sanity.
I guess I’m realizing how much I will have to fight against the stagnancy. I don’t have an answer for it. In a moment of sheer lament, all I can say is progress and don’t give up.